＃１１７

Theres a lot thats been written about how killers are so different from normal people that you could never understand us. Psychopath, alien, disorder this, disorder that. ASPD-LMNOP. Ok. Thats one possibility. Or I mean yeah there are killers like that.

The other view is that killers are really normal, maybe even more normal than normal, which is scary because then you dont know if theyre around. Obviously theres a difference but you wouldnt even call them a psycho, they dont hate or lust for flesh or so on, they just kind of killed one day in a fit of anger and then went back to being a regular joe. There are killers like that too.

But from what I gather most killers are in between. Which is what you would expect but theres so much mystique around killing that people think it cant be that simple. Theyre like you in a lot of ways, definitely a bit angrier or weirder but also not so angry and weird youd think oh man that kids going to shoot up a school for sure. Youd probably just think of them as a bad person who gets in shouting matches a lot and has a bit of road rage. Thats the sort of person that kills, most of the time.

And you know its confusing to me why this is so confusing to you because to me it seems quite obvious. Bad people do bad things ecktsetera. But people like you are like sorting people, what’s it, ODC people who need everything organised. So from where Im standing its like if you lot cant point to something that makes a killer special then you gotta deal with maybe theyre not special at all and it coulda been you, which makes you all very uncomfortable.

I mean how do you know youre not that guy? You been angry before, look at you. Youre just like anyone else. Theres been plentya time in traffic or work or a breakup where youve gotten real mad and if other people have gotten from that real mad place to killing, no tumor no bipolar whatever just normal thinkin, then why couldnt you?

See I figure if the thought of killin occurred to you and you turned it down, youre not really any wiser as to why others couldnt turn it down in the same circumstance and maybe itll still get you eventually. On the other hand if you didnt get the thought at all then howre you meant to know youd resist it if one day it comes knocking? You cant. You just got to wait and see what happens.

I watch a couple documenaries on before I got catched, on guys like me, and youre all so determined to make a big story its cute. Like you gotta know what his mom was like and his school and was he touched and yah yah ya. And that lets you go oh well thank god I grew up in a good home and things are stable so its not gonna happen to me. Killing, I mean. You think you aint gonna kill or your environment and genes woulda already made you.

But documenaries only get made for the guys who got good stories for tv. You dont see the guys for who its like, someones trolley hit his in the checkout and he pushed the guy and got pushed back and all uva sudden his guns out and the guys dead. Because what do you do with that? Guys got issues but he wasnt shooting up schools everyday, he just went psycho in the walmart for ten seconds tops because his brain was sayin self defense is okay, but really it wasnt so he goes to jail.

Now you been perfect so far, mister. You gotta good job, lookin out for people like me in case we getcha. But see, I dont wanna get ya. Uh-uh. You done nothing wrong by me and niney nine point nine nine of the time I dont wanna get noone. Reason Im here is because niney nine still means sometimes someones gonna get hurt and I made sure it wasnt me.

And you know what? It was realll normal. Mmhm. Wasnt some jeckel shit where I came a different guy or what have you. It was same old me, same exact anger I always get and you always get, cept this time my noggin said kill and I guess I just followed through before it had a chance to look back. Im telling you this because its important that you know. That youre not off the hook just because your lifes going ok. Sfar as I know, sorry if it isnt. But either way Im saying theres some path through your brain, doesnt have to be a large one but some zip zap of electricity that would put the thought of killin into your brain and make you do it. And all you can do is wait and see if its gonna happen. Like I been saying.

You know I wonder bout the guy whos gonna do it tomorrow. What hes like. Why he got into it and yeah. You think the guys a weirdo? Ahh, you do, you cheeky bugger! I saw your eyes just then. You think hes one of those disorder guys that masks it real well but hes a psycho deep down. I guess youd have to be, to do it for a living like he does. Strap em in the chair knowin youre about to kill em. See thats weird even for a guy like me, which probably means weve got more in common than you two do, hey? Somethin for you to think about.

Ill look him in the eye for you. As he puts the sponge on my head or whatever, Ill look him in the eye and figure out what type of killer he is for you. And Ill tell you when I next see you.

You been a good buddy, man. Shame we couldnt hang more. Dont kill anyone, will ya?